Clever Euphemisms

Watch and learn what I mean.

My coat is two sizes too big. It’s an old army jacket, and one of the few things that I have from my father. It’s warm and keeps the four in the morning drizzle off me. I hate camping, especially in national parks. Everything (read bathrooms) is too far away. I can’t do my business in random bushes. Shelter is thin nylon that never quite keeps the rain away. A storm moved in last night. I’ll find out later that there are ten thousand people without electricity. Right now, I’m just walking the point two miles to a vending machine for a Dr. Pepper at four in the morning. I can’t quite shake this creepy feeling. I feel like there’s someone sneaking up on me. My flashlight isn’t as bright as I would like, but it’s what I’ve got. I whip around periodically; just to check. Imagine my surprise when I turn around and finally see my pursuer. He’s five foot, ten inches, pale, with dilated (or just dark?) eyes, and he is my opponent.

An apex predator is what’s at the top of the food chain. They’re the ones that don’t have to evolve. They’re done. They’ve peaked. It doesn’t matter, because they’re so far ahead of the curve that it doesn’t seem like any species can catch up, so why bother? Humans are not the top of the food chain. There are things that actively hunt us, but we hunt right back. It’s that unrelenting and stubborn dedication to survival that keeps us in the game.

An apex predator stands before me. He’s waited until just before dawn. He’s traded the advantage of darkness for the surprise of striking so close to dawn. 

Any other man might be quarry for this predator,but not me. My not-so-bright-flashlight has a UV bulb in it; this was a Herculean effort of electrical engineering. My big ass coat has big ass pockets that can accommodate my big ass gun with big ass silver jacketed bullets.

The vampire is in three pieces before he knows what’s happened. 

"nothing lasts," she says, and there’s a little crack in her voice. "you think it’s going to. you think, "here’s something I can hold on to, but it slips away"

—(via mygoldens0ul)


I’ve always worried that you’d leave. I’ve always figured that on some level, you’d figure out that you can do better than me. After the honeymoon phase, I always had this lingering suspicion that one day you’d leave. I knew it would break my heart. I can’t blame you too much, because I knew it was coming. It still hurts.

I hear tales of an ancient ritual in a faraway place. It’s supposed to strip all of the things that are wrong with you. I think that I will see if it can rob me of your memory, or rather the tyranny of your memory. 

Love interest

I’m worried. I’m worried that you aren’t who you were. I’m worried that you’ve lost sight of what you wanted to be and what you could be. I’m worried that I’m going to regret you. I’m worried that I made the wrong choice. I’m worried that we aren’t going to work. I’m worried that you’re going to find someone else. I’m worried that I’m going to want someone else. I’m worried that, at the end of the day, we weren’t ever meant to be. What does that mean for us?


There are tales of an ancient ritual in a faraway place. It focuses the mind and body; sharpens those that survive it into their most potent selves. It amplifies all of the most prominent qualities at the expense of abridging the less dominant qualities. The object is to create our truest selves.

So what kind of fellow will I be after it?

Tell me five things about yourself; four of them true.



What made you think you could ask her? I mean have you lost your mind? Since I’m talking to myself I would have to say that I am.

I mean you had the audacity to ask a girl out. A beautiful, smart, funny woman that makes you feel incredible when you’re in her presence. Let’s be honest did you…

All in

I’ll tell you what you did. You wagered that another human being might enjoy sharing your company in a different and emotionally intimate fashion. You worried that she might be in  the same kind of place you are. You made yourself vulnerable in the hope that she would recognize your truest potential. There was a moment where you could fold or bet it all 

You’re a ballsy son of a bitch. 


Some say he prefers driving under the shade of many arrows
and that he is a regular diner…. in hell.
Silly little doodle to mark 300+ followers.


Some say he prefers driving under the shade of many arrows

and that he is a regular diner…. in hell.

Silly little doodle to mark 300+ followers.

(via topgear)