Clever Euphemisms

Watch and learn what I mean.

Waiting

We’re waiting for life to start. We’re waiting for preparation to stop and the main event to begin. This is the washed up, stand up comic that opens for Pink Floyd. Just hold on, don’t kill yourself, don’t screw up, don’t join the circus, and soon the gates to Elysium shall open unto you and all will be revealed in it’s utopian glory. In the meantime, make the best of it, don’t forget where you’re going, and focus focus focus. Those that enjoy this place are doomed to enjoy it forever. Remember what you’re about, and don’t develop a drinking problem. Save that for REAL life, when you can afford rehab.

Yes, I am crying over a Kevin Bacon movie. Yes, I am okay with this.

This Memorial Day, everyone should watch this movie. The first time I saw it two years ago, I very nearly lost it. This film rips my heart out every time. I’m glad Kevin Bacon did this movie, and he gives his best performance.

This Memorial Day, everyone should watch this movie. The first time I saw it two years ago, I very nearly lost it. This film rips my heart out every time. I’m glad Kevin Bacon did this movie, and he gives his best performance.

(Source: usaf-fit, via usaf-fit)

The Christian and Daniel Rating Scale

This scale is based on a visceral and accurate feeling incited by an experience. Originally, it was designed for movies, however it is truly applicable to all forms of human experience.

  1. Desert Island Top 5- The Godfather, The Hustler, and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. To speak ill of movies in this categories will cause you to be shunned, mocked, cut off at any moment, and generally disregarded as anything more than a worthless sack of meat. 
  2. Holy Fucking Shit!-While not the absolute inviolate genius of level 1, movies of this caliber are still held dear. Slander at your peril
  3. YES!-While these movies are not necessarily sacred cows, they are worthy of respect and should be treated as such
  4. It was really good- Movies of this level are better than most movies produced. These movies may incite controversy but not the outright rage of superior films.
  5. I liked it.- These movies are above average and are fun to watch and widely accepted by those with frontal lobes. Use of this designation denotes a more diplomatic stance toward naysayers. Even if they are morons.
  6. Meh…-Movies of this level are absolutely mediocre. Lukewarm and average. 
  7. I didn’t like it.- Films that fall into this category are below average and will be passed over in favor of a more mediocre form of entertainment.
  8. Uh… Yea… No…- Any movie that garners this rank is not of sufficient offense to truly argue over. However, liking this movie may lower our opinion of you. 
  9. Huh?- Wait, you liked that movie? Do you have two brain waves to rub together?
  10. WTF?-This is the last level of crap one can cover under “Strange crap we do to get laid.”
  11. …*Stunned Silence*…- We will now ignore you. This is in the best interests of our continued employment and your mental well-being.
  12. Really?-Now we berate you for your terrible taste. Your testicles may shrink as a result.
  13. I’m sorry… Wait… WHAT!-You have colossally screwed up. Pretend that you or we misunderstood what was said. The ensuing tirade WILL cause you permanent brain damage. Pray.
  14. Nugh…- That’s the sound we make as we lose touch with reality in response to the absolute drivel you call an “opinion.”

Highly Underrated Movies: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

It’s ill-remembered and oft-forgotten. However, it’s got Sean Connery, Peta Wilson, and that one guy who was in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Transporter 2. Cultural and literary references abound. Admittedly, it only covers a small segment of the eponymous graphic novel, but it does it well. I would love to see a sequel. This is one of those movies that you can just  watch and not worry about it getting old. It’s a good background movie.

topgear:

James and Jezza demonstrate proper Arctic exploration.

Loving and being in love

Being in love is a punch in the stomach. Loving someone is ironing their shirts for twenty years. Falling in love is a visceral feeling. Every love poem was written by someone in love. Every time someone laid down their life for another; they really love someone. Love is granite, it is hard to shape, but eternal. Being in love is oil on canvas, vibrant, colorful, but fleeting.

All the World's a Stage: Friends

This is wicked awesome.

theactorsstage:

You’re riding through Hell, the flames they burn your feet, your hands, you feel the skin melt from your body leaving nothing but your bones. Your screams echo across the abyss of flames and brimstone, your throat going raw, feeling as if it’s bleeding from the inside. You open your eyes, your…