Clever Euphemisms

Watch and learn what I mean.

For the audiophiles

This time, I have a Beatles ‘1’ selection. Hit up ‘Love me do’, ‘Yesterday’, and end it with ‘Let it be’. Now, I wish I could tell you could fallow it up with ‘The Long and Winding Road’, but life just doesn’t work that way.

Bunny in a sombrero, duh

Bunny in a sombrero, duh

Let’s be real

Paul Newman was a sexy man. If we’re honest, for fifty years he could have had any woman he wanted. At some point, this truth was brought to his attention. His reply was, “Why would I go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?” 

In my humble estimation, that is real love. You find someone that eclipses everyone else. When that same old someone at home makes all of your alternatives seem like hamburger; then, and only then, have you found true love. They make you feel special, and hopefully you make them feel like the best thing to ever happen to the human race. 

If, from the moment that you wake to the moment you sleep, you feel special and work to do the same for them then you have reached the highest plateau of affection and completion. 

Screw Maslow and his Hierarchy of Needs. Love is the be-all-end-all of everything.

In the past twelve months, I’ve been a pallbearer in three funerals. That’s moderately disturbing. I should feel differently, shouldn’t I? I should feel mauled and eviscerated, right? This many people, this close to me, and that should be terribly upsetting right?

I just feel empty.  

You really have to watch yourself with these romantic comedies

Especially ‘How I met your Mother’. You will think and feel all of these things you never should. Sometimes the guy doesn’t get the girl. Sometimes the miracle doesn’t happen. Sometimes the grand romantic gesture just drives them further away. 

Sometimes you shouldn’t put away their gifts for ‘just in case’. Sometimes you need to take everything they ever gave you and burn, shoot, tear, and utterly destroy any lasting memory of them.

Sometimes you just need to stop looking for them.

For the musically minded

The first song is ‘Bang Bang’ by Nancy Sinatra. You will follow this with ‘Don’t think twice; it’s alright’ by Bob Dylan. ‘Angel in Blue Jeans’ by Train. Now, your odyssey, find the rare recording of Seether’s recording of ‘Broken’ without Amy Lee. Finishing that, seek out ‘I’ve got you under my skin’ by Frank Sinatra. 

I don’t have an antidote. Just sit and wallow in it.