Clever Euphemisms

Watch and learn what I mean.


I remember you. I remember the exact line of your jaw. I remember the curve of your smile. I remember how deep you dip your head when I tell you how adorable I find you. 

At least, I think I remember these things. I have a few old photographs. Digital and analog representations of what you looked like. They seem so old. Your absence feels like an eternity. I feel closer to Cleopatra than you. Our love feels so ancient. 

I’ve tried to write this before. In my head, on paper, to the web, if it’s once it’s been a thousand. We’ve drifted apart. We were, if not the same, at least complimentary. Once, there were days where you wished for my return. Nowadays, I think you would rather be rid of me. I don’t know if it’s me, if it’s you, or if it’s circumstance. Any road, we’re divided, and that is a fact I will lament with all my breaths. 

So call this my olive branch. If I did it, I apologize. Mea Culpa. Mea Maxima Culpa. Mea Maxima Fuckin Culpa.

The loss of your friendship is a  burden I am deeply disturbed to bare. At the very least, tell me why. 

Fare the well

I have loved you for so very long. There were days where the thought of us was all that sustained me. You were my rock, my lighthouse, and my North Star.

And now you’re gone. I get it. You don’t love me any more. You don’t want to be with me. That’s fine. It’s not, but I have to live with it like it is fine. There is no one I could ever love the way that I love you. Nothing I find after this will fulfill me the way that you do. 

But someone else does that for you now. And I’m not going to fight for you. Not because you aren’t worth it, and not because I don’t have it in me. I can’t have you back, and I know that now. 

So, farewell, good luck, best wishes, and a thousand congratulations. I wish you the best of luck and nothing but happiness, because I love you.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.

The Grand Scheme of Things


Here’s what they don’t tell ya in the “grand scheme of things.”

Life is not kind. It’s hard, and it’s up to you as a person to make it manageable. That’s not hard when you’re making your life easy. It’s the other guys. The ones that are going through hell and ain’t got anybody there to help them…

Getting better

I pity people that have never hurt.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a caterpillar. The boy loved this caterpillar, and one day the caterpillar sewed itself up into a cocoon. The boy had mixed feelings about this. He was rather attached to the caterpillar, but he also wanted to see what it could become with time. For an eternity, the boy watched the cocoon. One day, it finally started to open. The butterfly-to-be took so long with the cocoon, and it struggled so hard. So the boy took his pocket knife and opened the cocoon for the butterfly-to-be. The butterfly emerged… But everything was wrong. The body was bloated and the wings were withered. The butterfly-that-never-was-to-be died. 

Without struggle, pain, and strife we can never evolve to our fullest form. Struggle is the ultimate endeavor that betters and grows us. And it really hurts.

Jone’s Privateers

There are two immutable truths about privateering. Right and wrong are matters of perspective, and history is written by the victor. 

Now, what we do is still technically legal, if ignominious, under United States Law. I would tell you that what we do is an important, if undervalued, part of our history. What is that we do?


Legal piracy. 

About damn time.

I have done so many things that I wish I could undo or do differently. There are so many choices that I would do differently if I knew only half of what I know now. This life isn’t even close to what I thought I wanted when I was a decade younger. Past me would give anything for a walkthrough of the next ten years, because what I wanted then and  what is today are not even close to the same. 

I’d redo a thousand moments to better my life, except you showed up. You’re something of a conundrum. You make this alternate timeline worthwhile. I would never have chosen this life. It’s like you’re the recompense for life derailed. 

You’re the reason I wouldn’t change a thing. 


I’m sorry. I’m not what I should be. I’m not what you wanted. I’m not what I promised you. These days… I’m not even what I delivered on… Once upon a time. There was a time we were of one mind. Now, I don’t even know you, or, more properly, you don’t know who I am anymore. This is, quite probably, the most disturbing possibility. That I am not who I once thought I was. I’ve never been what anyone thought I was, but the saddest  sensation was your disappointed passivity. Are we really total strangers?


Those were dark days when you were gone. The weight was heavier when we didn’t have you bitch and kick ass with us.I was more than slightly relieved when you came back. Now, I don’t know. You’re not who you once were. I respected you then. Now, you’re just some broken perversion of the man that came before. I ask myself daily what the greater mercy would be: to put you down, because of who you were, or to try and put you back the way you were? And all the while, you’re making more problems than you solve. 

And I hate you a little for it.

Darlin Dear

I worry that I’ll never see you again. Every single day, I worry that you’ll find someone better. I worry that you’ll realize what a terrible mistake that I am. I think that you’ll come to your senses all of a sudden. After that, I’m alone. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, and I definitely don’t deserve you. I wish I did, but you’re out of my league by a wide margin. I don’t know what I would do without you; I’d probably go and do something stupid. So come home quick.