I’ve stolen from many men and women. Some I’ve looked in the eye when I did, and some looked in the eye as they died. Really, none of it matters. There are always more travelers and more of me. I always thought that I was fighting and stealing for a better life. I was never supposed to spend this long at this life. Where was that big score? Life has taken a lot from me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to take that back. One day, I stole away some trivium and met you that day. I hope you can forgive me. I’ve much more in store for us.
I spend too much time thinking about you. You’re what I think about before I go to bed at night, and you’re what I think about when I first wake up. I’ve wanted the best for your since we first met. I hate every moment we spend apart. Every moment we spend together is a snapshot I cherish. You made world better. I just want to make sure that your world is better because of me.
I’ve always worried about from whence I stole you. A life of privilege, if only a gilded cage. Your whims were catered to; even if your will was subverted. That tower I stole you away from; it haunts my nightmares. Not the monsters I’ve slain, not the villains I’ve crushed, not even the people I couldn’t save; I am only haunted by the threat of your expectation. Crippling anxiety grips me when I look for any gift, be it birthday, holiday, or anniversary. There is that lingering voice that tells me that I’m not of noble blood, that I’m not rich enough, and that I’m far too plain to keep you. This is what drives my sleep away. This is the harbinger of my drunkenness. The fear that I will lose you because I am just not enough.
This is the thing. You have to take anything you want. If you think you deserve it; no one is going to give it to you. You see competition? Good, you aren’t blind. Be where the next one isn’t. Take what they want before they even know that they want it. You need to dominate every square inch that isn’t already occupied. You can’t leave ANY room for the competition. Be where they aren’t, be where they want to be before they know it. Do not take any hits that you don’t have to take.
It’s not just business; it’s love.
I’ve been holding my own hand since I was old enough to cross the street by my self, I’ve depended on myself to get me where I need to be safely. Then you came along and showed me it’s ok to let someone take care of me. Now I hold your hand, it doesn’t make me weak, it doesn’t make me helpless. It makes me feel loved and that’s not something I needed, but it’s something you gave me anyway.
I know that we have asked a lot of each other. It has to seem like I’ve asked more of you than I’ve given. You’ve always felt like the giver. I’m sorry that I haven’t made you feel more appreciated in the way that you deserve. I know that you’re my refuge. You’re the balm to my terrible day, my shitty week, my bad year. Hell, you just put my lame decade back on an even keel. I want you to feel as special as you are. Sometimes, I just can’t find the words. Every single time that I say, “I love you,” I mean it with the depth and conviction that has only grown since I first said it. Our first kiss, I’ll never forget that moment. Not ever, it was perfect and consuming in way that can only be described as a conflagration. Every fiber of being was on fire in that moment. Every kiss since then has been better; our best kiss is the last one.
I’ve been chasing you for a long time. I mean really chasing you. I try to seem smooth; I try to seem cool; I try to seem suave. In reality, I’ve done my research, I’ve entrusted my soul to that ancient adage, fortune favors the bold. A large portion of our relationship is based on my capacity for inadvisable behavior.